Why caring doesn’t mean discounting, and what it really takes to value your work
Teréze Taber
I’m not a hairdresser, but I know exactly what it feels like to not charge what you’re worth.
I’ve been there. Having worked in creative industries literally since I was a child, I’ve often given so much of myself, and walked away with barely anything to show for it. I’ve worked in television, writing and producing content for big businesses and big campaigns, I’ve worked on the sets of movies and well known TV shows. And yet, what I was getting paid did not reflect what I was bringing to the table. I told myself I was lucky to be there. That the “experience” was worth it. That the connections, the opportunities, the name on the credits… would all eventually add up.
They didn’t.
Another time, when I was living in Australia, I took a job for far less than someone else doing the same role. I knew I was being underpaid, but I also knew the business was struggling. I felt ‘bad’. So I accepted the offer.
Because I cared. Sound familiar?
And that’s what this is really about. Caring. When you care deeply, when you’re emotionally connected, creative, tuned in to the people around you, it’s really easy to confuse kindness with self-sacrifice.
Yes, starting at the bottom and working your way up is a natural trajectory that IS valuable, but that’s not what I’m talking about here. I’m talking about when you ARE the expert and yet you’re still setting your prices based on guilt, not value.
It’s especially easy when your work is personal. When you’re not just providing a service, but holding space for someone. That’s what hairdressers do every day. You’re not just applying colour or trimming ends. You’re listening to grief, breakups, stress, anxiety, overwhelm. And because you care, you listen. You empathise. You want them to feel good.
But somewhere in all of that, it can start to feel wrong to charge properly for your time.
Guilt Doesn’t Equal Generosity
When you care deeply, it’s easy to confuse kindness with self-sacrifice, but they’re not the same!
Recently, I was talking to my teenage daughter on the drive home from school and she said something that really stuck with me. She said, “I just want to do something I love when I’m older. I don’t really care how much I get paid if I love it.”
Oh no! I practically slammed on the brakes as I turned to look at her. Because that used to be me too.
I looked at her, eyes blazing, and said, “You don’t have to pick one or the other. You can do something you love and be paid well for it, ok? You can love your job and still be paid as an expert.” (“Geez mum, ok!”)
It was one of those moments where I could feel the truth of it. Not just for her, but for myself, and for every stylist I’ve ever worked with who’s hesitant to charge more because of the emotional relationship they have with their clients.
As a comparison, my husband Lynden would never say, “Sure, I’ll take far less because I love what I do.” That’s actually almost impossible for me to imagine!! He says, “Pay me what I’m worth because I’m good at it.” If you think about it, that’s really not ground-breaking is it!! We’ve just got ourselves so wrapped up in the dynamic of guilt-pricing. I really have learned so much from the application of that mindset. It’s truly not arrogant. It’s grounded. It’s business. And it’s sustainable.
I know it feels uncomfortable at first, really just yick, right? Especially when you know your clients well. When they’ve told you about their divorce, their money struggles, their rough year. I’ve had that same sinking feeling. The “I can’t possibly raise my prices on her” moment.
But here’s the truth. Feeling guilty doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong.
You can care. You can listen. You can be present and kind and connected. And still charge what your service is worth. You don’t have to carry someone else’s emotional load in your bank account. I still feel guilty quite often, I now just no longer act on that guilt.
Yes, it’s your job to care. It’s not your job to subsidise.
There’s something psychological that happens when you start charging properly. And also when you don’t.
If someone’s paying full price for a service, they respect it. They value it. They show up differently. But if you’re quietly discounting, or undercharging because of guilt (or you haven’t put your prices up in years!) you’re sending a subtle message that your work might not be that valuable.
And it is.
This isn’t about being greedy or transactional. It’s about being professional. It’s about showing people and yourself that the work you do matters. That your time, energy, and skill have value.
There’s even a name for this in psychology. It’s called “skin in the game.” People value what they’ve paid for. And they often don’t value what they haven’t. That’s not about them. That’s about how humans are wired. I know for myself, when I get something cheaper, I’ll boast about having got myself “a BARGAIN!”. Do you want to advertise yourself as a bargain via your prices, or as an expert?
“That’s all well and good, Teréze,” I hear you say. “But I have bills to pay and I can’t afford to lose clients”. Stick with me – Here’s the part that really helped me reframe it. The numbers.
More income. More time. More space to breathe.
Let’s say you charge $200 for a service, and you see 50 clients a month. That’s $10,000.
Now let’s say you put your prices up by just 10 percent, so you’re now charging $220. And let’s say 3 clients decide not to come back.
You’d still make $10,560. You’d be working three hours less.
That’s 3 supermarket trips, freed up, that’s time to get your OWN hair done, that’s going shoe-shopping and having a quiet lunch alone during school hours because you have TIME AND THE SAME AMOUNT OF MONEY. Or it’s adding in two more clients into that gap so you can supercharge your savings for the trip to Rarotonga.
The best part? It’s unlikely you’d even lose those three clients. But even if you did, your income would still increase. Your time and energy would be protected.
Here’s what I know for sure. You will feel awkward at first. That guilt won’t just disappear because you decided to be brave.
When I started charging properly, I still had that tight feeling in my chest. The overthinking. But I did it anyway.
You know what? They paid. They came back. And they respected the work even more. And now, I have a business that teaches people how to do the same thing. My old empathetic nature is still there, wanting to jump in and ‘rescue’ people, but now I know, it’s much more powerful to a) teach people how to rescue themselves, and b) to protect myself as a valuable expert.
Here’s the takeaway. Print this out and put this on the staff room fridge:
“You don’t have to stop caring. You just have to stop discounting because you care.”
You can love your work and be well paid.
You can hold space and still set boundaries.
You can be kind. And professional.
Your business and your nervous system will thank you for it!
You’ve got this. 💛
Teréze